Motherhood...and beyond

Hi everyone, it's Aileen. Since Marek's arrival everyone keeps asking me " how does it feed to be a mom?" at first, I had a hard time answering this. To be honest, it felt like a really long babysitting job. Part of me still didn't believe he was mine! Although this was obvious to everyone else, it took some time for it to sink in. I think this was partly because all I could think about was feedings, diaper changes, and occasionally wondering when I had last eaten. So now we are two months in, and how does it feel to be a mom? I would sum it up with two words; awesome and humbling. Marek will smile a coo at me, as if to say, " you are my mom, and I love you". It is a pretty great feeling. Knowing that right now I am the most important person in his life is amazing. This isnt me boasting, it is a matter of fact as I am literally sustaining his life through breast feeding. I will admit that although I have taken care of kids for over ten years now, everything I knew flew out the window when Marek was born. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the pressure of wanting to do everything right,but I had moments of fear, when despite all my knowledge and reading of parenting books, I was convinced I was doing something wrong. I cried whenever he cried or spit up. Silly, after all that is what babies do! I found myself walking into his room to make sure he was breathing, even though I swore I would never do that. I have relaxed since our first weeks together; babies will do that for you. They force you to stop, relax, and just roll with the punches. I think it's a lesson babies teach us early on, so to prepare us for the future. I know that Marek and I have only just started this journey together, but he has already taught me so much. He has made me a better, happier person (don't let the bags under my eyes fool you! I may be tired, but happy). there is so much I cannot control ( like spit up-despite trying every trick in the book!)One thing I am glad I can't control, my unconditional love for Marek. That I wouldn't trade for the world.